*Recently, I had an entry about racism and I hadn’t thought about posting about again for sometime. But we were recently faced with an issue of racism that directly affected us on the home front. The name of the person being discussed will not be revealed to protect her, so I will refer to her as “Sue”.*
The belief that one ‘racial group’ is inferior to another and the practices of the dominant group to maintain the inferior position of the dominated group. Often defined as a combination of power, prejudice and discrimination.
Most of the time racial comments made to me on the side do not bother me. I just write it off as the person being uneducated and ignorant toward persons who have a different skin color. Its sad to say, but I know that we will be faced with racism the rest of our lives and the rest of our sons’ lives, in one form or another. Recently, I had a conversation or should I say, a very heated discussion on racist comments that were being made toward our family. The following is a telephone conversation that happened between myself and Tiffany’s grandmother (two of my girls older sister). This conversation took place because “Sue” has not be respondent to our requests (which is a court order that is supposed to happen on a weekly basis) for the girls to have visits. Since December we have had one visit. Tiffany would call us every other day crying because she wanted to come visit us, but “Grandma won’t let me.” Because of everything going on in our house, I really didn’t act upon it right away. We all had missed Tiffany very much and as time was going on, I became more concerned about her and her emotional well being. Approximately, four weeks ago I finally told Tiffany to take the phone to “Sue” because I wanted to talk to her about a visit. Tiffany was crying more then usual and was afraid to take the phone to “Sue” because “she gets mad at me when I ask her about visits.”
Well, when she took the phone to “Sue”, she stated, “I don’t have anything it say to her.” This was really difficult because I really didn’t know what to say to this precious little girl. Since that day, Tiffany has not telephoned us at all. She is allowed to accept phone calls from us, but has not called. This is very unusual considering this child would call us every couple of days. We have approached social services and they have followed up with phone calls to the family. Finally, on Easter Sunday, “Sue” called me. This is how the conversation went:
Sue: “Hi, Sonya. I was told by Julie (the social worker) that we need to schedule a visit. But I need to tell you that we have a different belief system.”
Me: “Hi, Sue. Why is that?”
Sue: “Well, we found out in December about them colored boys living with you. My husband was going to call and talk to you about this, but I decided to instead. We discussed this and well we just have different beliefs. Tiffany can never step foot in your house again.”
Me: “What does the color of my children have to do with Tiffany coming over?”
Sue: “Well, we just don’t believe in mixing.”
Me: “Sue are you racist?”
Sue: “Sonya, you are putting words in my mouth. I have both black friends and Mexican friends”
Me: “Do you let them come to your house?”
Sue: “No. Oh no. They can’t step one foot into my house.”
Me: “Why is that?”
Sue: “Well, it is not right for us to mix. And besides you never told me about these boys.”
Me: “What do you mean I never told you about these boys. We told you from the very first time that we met at one of the visits that we were adopting three brothers from Liberia.”
Sue: “No. You never did.”
Me: “Sue, you were the one who mentioned it to me because the foster care parents had told you. We discussed having a large family and where the boys were from.”
Sue: “Well, you never told me they were BLACK!”
Me: “Why should that have mattered?”
Sue: “Well God separated us. If He intended for us all to be together He wouldn’t have made us different colors and placed different colors in parts of the world. The reason them boys are black is because they are from Africa. The reason Hispanics are brown is because they are from Mexico. That is where they are supposed to be.”
Me: “So Sue, you are telling me that no other races are supposed to be in America?”
Sue: “No, you are putting words in my mouth.”
At this point I was VERY frustrated and feeling VERY offensive!
Me: “So if people are supposed to be placed per color, as you just said, then maybe you had better reconsider where you live. The Native Americans are brown and they were here before the whites. I guess you should go back to Europe.”
Sue: “We just have different beliefs.”
Me: “As a follower of Christ, I find your comments most offensive.”
Sue: “Why?”
Me: “God made a beautiful rainbow of colors in people. All of us are made different, but all of us are equal.”
Sue: “We just have a different belief system.”
The conversation went on a little bit longer. I felt like I was speaking to a wall. Oh, the lack of education on this woman’s part. This makes me so sad for a number of reasons. First, these girls are very close. They will never be allowed to have a sleep over ever again because of the color of skin. They will never be allowed to have a day trip to the mountains again because of the color of skin. Secondly, the grandparents racism is going to be passed on to another generation. Thirdly, Summer and CJ love their Liberian brothers very much. What if Tiffany ever said, “I can’t come over because you have black brothers?” How will that affect our family dynamics? The other issue I have is that since Tiffany moved in with her grandparents she has developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome. When we were seeing this child, her weight was dropping of like crazy. She had probably dropped 2 or 3 sizes within a few months. She tells us that she continues to lose weight. She has diarrhea constantly. For teens, one of the big factors in Irritable Bowel Syndrome is stress. The poor child is stressed out. I really feel like Tiffany has no voice in this situation. It is very sad. But that is a whole different story!
I love Martin Luther King, Jr. I love his speech, I Have a Dream. Just in case you haven’t heard it, I am posting it here:
Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream that I believe can become a reality. It is sad that racism exists. Now it affects our family as we are raising children who are not white. I had never dreamed that this would be the way that it would affect us. Tiffany is like a part of our extended family. Now she is being ripped away from us because of racial issues. Will social services step up? I don’t know. They have been informed about this “injustice.” Will it be swept under the rug? In many ways, sadly, I feel that it will. Is there a future for a relationship for these three sisters? I can only step out in faith, and cry out to my God, and hope that there is.
“Sue” tried to tell me that God intended for color to separate us. “If God had wanted us to all be together, He would have made us all one color.” Well, recently some good friends sent the below article to me on email. (Thanks Barb and Ken!) I think that this is a perfect example of how God has intended for to live…together in harmony! I do think that education can take place. It is a slow process…one person at a time. I will pray for “Sue” and her husband. I really wanted to ask her if she served the same God as I do.
NAIROBI ( AFP ) - A baby hippopotamus that survived the
tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong
bond with a giant male century-old tortoise in an animal
facility in the port city of Mombassa , officials said
The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about
300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki
River into the Indian Ocean , then forced back to shore
when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on
December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him.
much when we need the comfort of another.
My name is Sonya. I wear many hats in my house! I am the loving wife of Russell and the mother of 10 beautiful children and waiting for our precious son in Liberia, Daniel. So really, I am the mother of 11! In January of 2008 we brought home 3 brothers from Liberia. Daniel is their uncle and we are working on bringing him home now. I home school our children with the help and support of my wonderful husband. I am making an attempt at writing which has been a wonderful pass time when I can find the time! I am a new graduate from She Speaks, which is a ministry from 
