Responding In Faith

My precious Austin turned eight today (May 13). Seems like just yesterday when he popped into our lives. Austin had joined our family a month before he turned four. Austin’s story is an amazing one! I would like to share with you how God brought us together.

In January of 2003, we had added Aubrey to our family through the wonderful world of adoption (another story for another day!). After her arrival, we had began praying for a son. Anthony was surrounded by four sisters and really wanted a brother. I had told him that we could pray about it and see where God would lead us! Oh, the power of prayer! I can not speak enough about it!

A few months later, I was doing evening devotionals with Anthony. I sat down on the floor next to my son and was about to open our devotional book. Then an amazing thing happened, God spoke to me. I had heard Him as clearly as if He were sitting right next to me. He said, “Your son is coming soon.” I was so excited! My eyes were flooded with tears. Anthony looked at me and asked me what was wrong. I told him that God was preparing our hearts for his new brother.

Approximately two weeks later, my Aunt Sue called me from New York. She called and congratulated us on Aubrey and said that she heard we were wanting to adopt again. I told her that we were praying about adopting a little boy. Then she said, “That is why I am calling.” You see my aunt had a friend, who had a foster care daughter that she had raised, who had a son she was looking for a family for. I was very taken back. But yet I wasn’t because God had told me that my son was coming.

Several weeks later, Austin’s birth mom called me and we talked on the phone, shared information, and asked questions. Russ and I talked. He had more questions. We called back. Russ was very nervous. Aubrey was still so new in our family. We were still working on bonding and adjusting our family dynamics. We went through the faith chapter in Hebrews 11.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old gained approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made of of things which are visible. Hebrews 11:1-3

We went through each passage. We read about the faith of Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph….we went through them all. I shared again with my husband what God had spoken to me. We prayed. Then Russell said that we would leave the following evening after he got off work. We decided to take Anthony with us, as we thought that would be a good bonding experience.

My husband truly stepped out in faith. He had not heard the message that I had received. But he felt that he needed to listen. When we arrived in New York, we got to rest for a couple of hours after traveling all night. Then the time came to go meet Austin. Austin’s birth mom did not tell him that he was being adopted. He had no clue what was going on.

When we walked into the house where Austin was at, Austin immediately ran up to Russell and called him daddy! I knew by the look on Russell’s face that he knew we had done the right thing. It was really neat because on the way home Russell said he could look back now and see where God had been preparing him for Austin. If he would have chosen not to step out in faith, he would have missed out on this precious gift from God.

Austin never questioned anything. He was along for the ride. There did come a time several months later that I noticed Austin was distant. He and I went out side to have a mommy/son talk on the back steps. I asked him what was wrong and he looked up at me with his big, brown eyes and said, “You stole me!” Oh, my heart just melted. We had been talking to Austin about what was going on. He was used to be dropped off at places for several weeks at a time and not thinking anything of it. But weeks had gone by and his birth mommy had not come back. He was very confused.

I looked into his precious eyes and told him that his birth mommy loved him very much and that she knew that he needed a mommy, daddy, Bubby, Hannah, Hailey, Aubrey and a Skip dog. I told him that she wanted him to have those things and she couldn’t provide that so she searched for that special home for him. He looked at me and said, “You don’t even know who my birth mommy is.” I told him that I did and said her name. He looked at me with a big smile and said, “Oh,” and gave me a hug and went off to play. Big stuff for a four year old.

Austin has come a long way. He is a special kid. I will always remember how my precious Jesus brought him to us and whispered the special words in my ear. I will always remember how my husband stepped out in faith so that we could bring this special child into our family. I will always remember Austin’s birth mommy as a woman who loved her child so much that she was willing to sacrifice her love so that he could have the life that she wanted him to have.

As we celebrate Austin’s eighth birthday, I am filled with much joy! He is a daily reminder to me about how important it is to always be listening for God’s voice and how important it is to step out in faith when nothing else in the world seems to make sense! God is so good, we just have to be willing to completely trust in Him!!

Precious Jesus, thank You for the precious gift of my son Austin. Thank you for allowing me to hear Your voice so clearly and allowing my husband to be so willing to step out in what he didn’t understand. Lord, You are so good to me. So many times I feel so undeserving of Your love. So many days I feel like I fail You, but yet you continue to pursue me! Thank You for being the Lover of my soul!

Hey everyone. I am still here. We have just been so busy. I have been too tired to do my early morning writings. I will try to post again soon!

Also, I have fixed my Prayer Request page. You can now add your prayer requests on there. I hope that we can all become prayer partners together! The power of prayer is an awesome thing!!!

Ok. I’m a little late getting this up. My life has been a bit crazy lately…imagine that with 10 kids!! But I am still alive and still ever present! My mother’s day was special as always. My older kiddos made me breakfast in bed. Do you know how many years a mom waits for that? It seems like an extra special treat when the kids can do it all by themselves because you know that their whole hearts were in it! My sweet Hannah made sure I got eggs that were sunny side up with a slice of toast because she knows I always sacrifice having eggs the way I want them because everyone else in the house likes scrambled eggs!

I love being a mom to many precious children. But on Mother’s Day I can’t help but let my heart pour out to the birth moms of many of my children. Some of the birth mom’s had their children physically removed from them because they were deemed unfit to take care of their children. Other birth mom’s put it all on the line to sacrifice for their children because they knew they needed something better.

The birth mom’s that had their children removed from them felt like a great injustice had been done to them. I don’t know the whole story on why each child was removed, but I do know that neglect and abuse were the main factors. It is hard to look at the birth moms and not feel a sense of mix emotion. The mother side of you becomes very torn. How would I feel if my children were “ripped” from my arms? How would I feel if I had to sign papers that terminated my rights to be my child’s parent? How would I feel if I knew I was hugging my child for the last time? But then the other side of being a mom kicks in…How can a person neglect and abuse such a precious child? On Mother’s Day I especially think of these moms because I know that they must have a lot of pain in their hearts and in their lives. They probably think of all the things they could have done differently or wanted to be able to do differently. Mother’s Day is probably a very painful day for them.

Then we have the second group of moms. The moms that specifically sought out to find a loving home for their children because they knew that they couldn’t provide for the needs of the child. These moms sacrificed everything for their children. On the outside it may look as if the mom has put up a wall and has no emotional or physical connection for their child, but behind the wall is a mom who loves her child so much that she is willing to give it all away for the better of the child…even if it means never seeing their child again.

We keep in contact with Austin’s birth mother. She is one that falls into the second group of moms. She knew that she couldn’t provide for Austin in the way that she thought was best for her son. She had been a child of the system. She grew up never having a “forever family.” She was one of the kids that got stuck in the system. Her pain was deep and she couldn’t give to Austin what he so desperately needed. So being a good mom, she sought after what she thought was best for her son. That path led her to us. She called me once and told me that she thought she was the worst mom in the world. I told her other wise. I told her that in my book she was a great mom because she wanted something better for her son.

Our Liberian children’s mother is in that same category. She wanted her boys to have a better life. She wanted them to become educated. She wanted them to have all their needs met. One recent conversation on the telephone brought tears to my eyes. The boys’ uncle asked Samuel if he had started school yet. Samuel had told him yes. The response was, “We are so proud of you. Study hard. Learn all you can. Make something of yourself.” When Russell met their grandmother, she too was so excited for the boys because they would be the first generation to receive an education. Russell had thought that their mother had seemed distant. I believe that she had to put a wall up around her heart. I truly believe that she loves them deeply, but had to shield that love because she wanted something better for her boys.

Such sacrificial love from both of these moms! Some people have asked me, “How could a mom give up such beautiful children?” I understand the hearts of these women. I will always remain deeply connected to them. For they brought life to my boys. They sacrificed for their children so that they could have what they felt would be a better life.

Look at what our Heavenly Father sacrificed for each of us. He sacrificed His one and only Son so that we might live! God gave us life through Jesus. For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him, will not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16 What an awesome gift for all of humanity.  Jesus knew His purpose, to be the sacrificial Lamb.  Jesus loved walking the earth.  He loved the people.  He loved the children.  He chose to follow His Father’s plan even when Satan gave Him an out.  Jesus sacrificed all that He loved for each of us.

So when I look at Mother’s Day, I see a very sacrificial kind of love from the birth moms who have entrusted me with their children.  I also feel a deep pain for them as they are feeling a sense of loss.  I also thank God for how He has entrusted me to be a Mom Of Many!

Lord, I thank you for the birth moms of all my children on this special day.  I ask that You would heal the wounds…the deep wounds of the loss of their children.  I pray that You will offer them healing.  I pray that each will come to know You.  I thank You for giving Your only Son to us so that we will one day be in Heaven with You.  Thank You for loving me and giving me the honor to raise all of my beautiful children.

On Sunday, our pastor had a wonderful sermon taken from 1 Thessalonians 2.  Pastor Chuck challenged us in thinking about what our purpose in life is.  It came down to our purpose is to please God and not man or society.  We were challenged with the following questions:  Are you living your life in a way that God would see worthy?  Are you embarrassing God?  Are you breaking the heart of God?  Are you living for the world?

So many times we put our life in a box, actually two boxes.  We have our box for the world and we have our box for Christ.  Depending on the situation, that will decide which box you live your life out of.  In some ways, it is a matter of convenience.  Many times we get sucked into the mind set of wondering how the world will view us instead of wondering how God will view us.

Pastor Chuck had brought up an interesting point in how we can begin a pattern.  We may notice that we are doing something wrong and of a sinful nature, we repent, try to do right and then fall back into the same practices again.  Again, we realize that we have fallen back into that same frame of mind and start that cycle all over again until at last, our hearts become calloused to our sin and we stop asking for forgiveness and give into a worldly desire.

Pastor Chuck had left us with this:  Do the hard thing; do what you need to do to stand for Christ!  I love that.  I have tried very hard to live the life that God has wanted me to live.  I am in no way perfect and many times I fall, but God is always there beside me to lift me back up and encourage me to keep moving heavenward.

In mine and Russell’s lives, God has asked us to focus on children.  Not just biological children, but abandoned and orphaned children.  He has asked us to raise a quiver full.  This has not been an easy thing.  It is totally against what society says we should do.  Society says to have 2.5 children or none at all.  Society says to focus on self.  Society says your crazy if you want to have a large family.  Society says that family is not important.

We have learned over the years that we are not pleasing to the world.  We can even be not pleasing to family because they don’t see the vision that God has given us.  People have challenged our thoughts and our actions.  We have been accused of being “over religious” and “over zealous”.  Yes, I have been told that I am crazy.  But I have gotten past all of that.  All of that comes from the world.

I am learning with each day how important it is to stand up for God and to focus my life on what His will is for me and not what the world’s will is for me.  1 Thessalonians 2: 4 says this:  On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel.  We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts. God has entrusted each of us with the gospel.  He entrusts us so that we may share the good news that we have a living God!  And in this, we walk through our life trying to please God and not the world.

It is not an easy road to take.  Not many will take it.  It is so important to become deeply rooted in Christ so that when the world attacks our actions, we will not fall.  But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.  Jeremiah 17:7-8

When we become deeply rooted in Christ, it becomes easier to to stand up for Him.  When we become deeply rooted in Christ, it becomes easier to hear and know God’s will for your life.  I encourage you today to ask yourself the hard questions.  Are you living for the world or are you living for God?

Dear Heavenly Father, allow me to breath deeply today and breath You in deeply into my soul.  Allow me to hear Your calling on my life.  Help me to be able to stand firm in my faith for You tell me in Your Word that if I do not stand firm in my faith, I do not stand at all.  Allow me to become so deeply rooted in You, that when I experience times of drought, I am still able to bear Your fruit.  I love You, Daddy.

Family Reunion 1947, originally uploaded by See El Photo.

We have out grown our family table. When we had originally bought our table, we had truly thought it would be large enough for our family plus some guests. Our Amish table is beautiful. I absolutely love it. I thought that it would be a family heirloom. But there is one problem. It will only seat 10. So now we have two tables set up in the kitchen…horizontally to one another. I dream of a table now that would seat twenty!

I really don’t like our current setup. Everyone is not around the same table. It makes my heart sad. I miss seeing everyone’s faces all at the same table. This weekend I think I will try to rearrange the tables once again. There has to be a way to connect the two of them so that we can all be together again at meals.

To some this may seem silly. But to me it is not. There is something about the entire family around one table. A unity that forms and brings us together! A time of reconnecting with one another. A moment in time when we all stop the business of our day, collect our thoughts, and commune with one another. It is a time of lifting each other up. No negative words are to be spoken.

We have a special plaque that we had made that says the following:

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.

Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 12:10

Honor:

Treating people as special, doing more than what’s expected, and having a good attitude.

This is our reminder for ourselves that we are to honor one another. It is a reminder that the words that come from our mouths should be words that lift each other up and not tear each other down. As we go through each day, we try to remember our verse on honor. We start our morning with it when we eat our breakfast and we end our day with it as we dine upon our dinner.

Our family table is a very important part of our family. It is a place that brings us together at the beginning and end of each day. So for now, I will have to settle for two separate tables, but one day we will have our table that seats twenty! And who knows, maybe it will be filled with all our children!

Lord, I thank You for all the beautiful blessings that I have around our family table. I thank You for allowing our family to continue to grow both through biological and adopted children. In my heart they have all been born from me…they have all been born in my heart. I thank you for the reminders that You give us in Your word to be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Thank you for allowing us to start and end each day together as a family. Amen.

Aphenphosmphobia. What is it? See if you can guess by looking at the below picture:

Aphenphosphobia is the fear of being touched. If you look at the picture closely, you notice that the sharp end of the nails are pointing outward. It is as if the person is trying to be a porcupine. Almost a self defense mechanism to ward people off. As crazy as the word looks, it is actually a word.

I believe I have a child in my house that has Aphenphosphobia. No, I am not a psychiatrist or even a doctor of any sort. I’m just a mom who is making observations about her child. I’m really not looking to label my child either. The word just sounded pretty cool and added immensely to my vocabulary! But honestly, I believe that one of my children suffers with the idea of being touched in a loving manner.

I can count on one hand the number of hugs that I have received from my precious Jeremiah. Three. He doesn’t give them out easily and he doesn’t receive them easily either. I really don’t think it is matter of him not wanting hugs. When I ask him, he says he would like one, but he won’t come to me for it. He actually will stay put where he is at and his fragile little body becomes very stiff.

Today he was in the kitchen with me when I was making spaghetti sauce in bulk. I asked him if I could give him a hug. He gave me the quick Liberian nod for yes. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a big hug. He was smiling, but his body was stiff as a board. I released my hug and had him turn to face me. I asked him again if he was ok with getting a hug. He smiled and gave me the quick nod. This time when I hugged him, I told him to relax his body. I told him that it was ok and that I loved him very much. Hugs aren’t supposed to be painful.

This time his body wasn’t quite as stiff. His heart rate was still racing, but he seemed more relaxed. I realized today that I need to work more with Jeremiah on this. We are going to start doing some touch therapy and move into holding therapy. We are going to start out with just rubbing lotion on each other’s hands and arms. Then we will move into just holding onto one another’s hands and being relaxed. We will slowly progress to hugging.

I’m not sure if Jeremiah has experienced much hugging. Samuel and Joel are very open to being hugged. It could be that Jeremiah has had some negative experiences. It could be a number of things. When he let’s his guard down, he actually relaxes enough to give a big hug. But like I said previously, that has only happened three times.

We will take it slow. He has been through a lot in the past three months. There has been a lot of new changes in his life. We will take it one day at a time. Baby step by baby step. I can’t complain. He has come so far in the past three weeks. He is learning to express his emotions in healthy ways. We haven’t had any more wailing. He is handling change much better. I think he is doing pretty well.

So with all of that said, I will continue to hug Jeremiah as he is comfortable. After all, God made hugs!

WHY GOD MADE HUGS.

Everyone was meant to share
God’s all-abiding love and care.
He saw that we would need to know
a way to let these feelings show.

So God made hugs - a special sign,
and symbol of His love divine,
a circle of our open arms
to hold in love and keep out harm.

One simple hug can do its part
to warm and cheer another’s heart.
A hug’s a bit of heaven above
that signifies His perfect love.

~Jim Wolf~

Recently, one of the Liberian loops that I am on had a heated discussion about adopting children with hepatitis B.  Someone had initially posted a question wondering if you knew your child had hepatitis B would you still move forward with adopting them.  A lot of people had posted quite positively about their experiences with this disease.  But then the conversation seemed to swing to the left in discussing how the children acquired it and things children have been exposed to and acting out, etc.  At one point, I felt as if one of the authors was saying that this was something that only happened in Liberia (it may have been just their own experience).  In the end, another woman who was on the loop searching for answers on whether or not they were going to adopt, ended up saying that she had a lot to pray about before they did anything else.  It almost felt as if her heart was turned away from adoption.

Many times there are good intentions behind adoptions, but people aren’t prepared for the life after adoption.  Oh, please don’t get me wrong.  I am 100% behind adopting.  But being prepared for the after life once they are in your home is not always on the top things to do when adopting a child.  When adoptions fail, one of the first things people will say is “I didn’t sign up for this,” or “The adoption agency lied to me,” or “I told them we couldn’t handle children with these kind of issues.”

In March (I think), we went to Charlotte to an adoption talk by Dr. Karyn Purvis.   She wrote the book entitled The Connected Child .   I highly recommend this book to anyone who has adopted or is in the process of adopting.  I truly think this woman is amazing.  Upon meeting her, you can just tell she has such a gentle spirit and a heart towards children.  She has done some amazing things with some of the toughest kids out there.  I would like to share a section of her book where she discusses three different children that they worked with.

Donnie’s Early Life.  In the orphanage, baby Donnie has the crib farthest away from the nursery door.  He lies in soiled diapers for hours at a time and is the last baby fed by the attendant.  Left untouched and underfed, he does little but stare at the sterile walls and ceiling.  The back of his head has become flattened from remaining in the position so long.

Gloria’s World.  Five-year-old Gloria is pretty, with wide brown eyes, a pouting mouth, and long dark hair.  She catches the attention of two orphanage attendants, a male and a female, who want to break up their daily drudgery.  They lure the little girl with kindness and teach her how to gratify them sexually.  Gloria learns that flirting and stimulating an adult’s private parts is the way to earn attention, affection, and food.

Rick’s Childhood.  Little Rick doesn’t understand why his father can turn mean sometimes.  but when he does, his dad smells funny and hurts people.  He might knock down Rick’s mommy, or come at the children with a bat.  Sometimes the boys hears screaming in the other room and knows that his sister is getting hurt, too, but he is too small and scared to help.  (The Connected Child, page 22)

This is what a lot of kids will experience.  “What about newborns?” you may ask.  Well, the sad reality is that even newborns are affected within the womb.  Research has shown that.  It doesn’t even have to be drugs or alcohol.  It can be the stress that the mother is experiencing during the pregnancy that can affect the child or depression.

People may read these stories and have a rescuing heart.  “Oh, if I could just get that child in my home.  I would love on them and provide for them…”  But how will you feel when that child doesn’t except your love?  How will you feel when that child turns against you because they don’t know how to accept your love?  Dr. Purvis goes on to say:

No matter where they go, Donnie, Gloria, and Rick will always carry the effects of their own individual history with them.  Even after they’ve been adopted into a stable home, the invisible scars of their early neglect or abuse can often make it challenging for these youngsters to thrive.  Parents are frequently surprised to learn of the obvious and less obvious effects of their child’s early deprivation.  (The Connected Child, page 23)

But don’t let this sadden your heart.  There is help for these children and their adoptive families.  There are ways to prepare, good support groups, therapies that take holistic approaches, healing that will take place over time.  Time is the key.  It won’t happen over night.  Adoption is a life time commitment just like physically having a child.  It is a covenant between God, the child and you.

A mistake that many adoptive parents make is that they want to get their child involved in everything under the sun or just put them into activities right away.  Society pushes it.  Guilty feelings that the child came from having nothing, so now they need to have it all.

I can not even stress enough how important it is to just stay at home and bond with the child. That initial connection with the child is so important.  Helping them to feel safe, loved and ever present.  Even when they seem ok on the outside, inside, these kids are dealing with a lot.  They are used to just going with the flow.  We have always home schooled our children, but if we didn’t, I could not even imagine sending our boys to school this early in the game.  There is so much that they haven’t received in the past as far as parent care, being loved on, learning to express emotions, right from wrong, cultural issues, etc.

I do feel that since we are home together all the time, it does help with that bonding.  I’m not saying that people who send their children to school are wrong, I’m just saying that the initial bonding that takes place is so much more important for them initially then giving them a quick push into society.  Kids adapt to whatever we throw at them.  But teaching them about bonding is so important.  Throwing them into everything doesn’t help them bond.

One of our children arrived when she was a week from turning two.  She is the youngest child we have adopted.  All of our other adopted children have been older.  But even at the age of two, this bright eyed, bushy tailed, little girl had no clue how to attach to someone.  Oh, on the outside everyone thought she was just this spunky little gal.  But she would not sit on your lap for more then three seconds when we first met her.  She hopped from person to person.  She had no concept of what a mommy was.  She didn’t know how to cuddle.  People came and went so much in her life that the word “Bye.  Bye.”  was a word of torture for her.  She would scream hysterically whenever she heard someone say that.  She was very disconnected.  The foster care family that she lived with had commented that all you have to do is tell her to go to sleep and she will do it.  Even if she is in a Walmart buggy.  One of the first days she was with us, I had her lay down for a nap.  I told her it was time to rest.  I watched her from the door.  The child was hypervigilant.  She was scared.  She would open one eye and peek.  Her body was prepared to fight.  I never did that again.

God blessed her with a severe bilateral ear infection after she moved in with us.  She had an extremely high fever and was very sick.  Why was that a blessing?  Well, for three days straight, I did nothing but hold her, rock her and nurture her.  I didn’t leave her side.  I think that was probably the first time this child had truly been held.  After that, she wouldn’t leave my side.  She was very small for her age.  I went and purchased a baby sling for her and carried her in it for almost a year.  The following week we went to social services for a visit with birth family and no one could get over how quickly this child had bonded to me.

Some of the social workers tried to force themselves in her face, but she curled up to me like a frightened kitten.  No, all kids do not bond that quickly.  Yes, our precious child still has issues after 4 years that we continue to work on.  But I kept her to ourselves for almost 4 to 5 months before we really introduced her to people outside the family and a couple of close friends.  She had to learn who mommy was.  Even after that time, we still had to continue loving and teaching her who mommy was.

At the sweet age of two, this child had already been through so much trama.  Can you imagine this for a child who is four, six, eight, twelve?  There is a lot of walls to break down.  It is so important to bond.  So important to make that connection.  It is so important for the child and the family.

Our boys have been here for almost three months now.  They are not involved in any outside activities outside of our home.  They are coming along wonderfully.  Samuel will play soccer with some friends on Sunday afternoons.  An activity we do as a family.  We have felt pressure to get him involved in traveling soccer leagues.  People tell us how good he is.  But at this point, bonding is what is important.  Learning about American culture, morals, right and wrong.  This fall he will play soccer.  But not on the travel team yet.  That can wait at least another year.  If we don’t develop the bonds now, we may never get to because they will get lost.

Some may say that we are being overly protective.  Overly protective has nothing to do with it.  These boys are just now understanding that they are allowed to have emotions.  They are just now learning appropriate ways to express their emotions.

I could go on story after story telling you how important all of this is just with my own kids.  Many others will tell you the same thing.  I guess I just really want to encourage people who are adopting or who have adopted to step back and take the time to truly connect to your child.  It is so important.  It will take months for some and others it may take years.  Each child is different.  Each child is unique.  Each child has experienced things that have affected their lives at very deep levels.  If you have been called to the wonderful world of adoption, I welcome you to the family!  It is truly a rewarding journey.  It is a roller coaster with different twists and turns around every corner.  But I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

God will be with you through it all.  I rely on Him daily for my strength and for encouragement.  God is so good to me.  There are times when I don’t feel I have an ounce of strength left in me, and He will carry me through!  I can’t encourage you enough if you are on this journey, considering this journey, or just beginning this journey, that you be on your knees daily for each of your children and for your marriage.  That is the heart of it all!

I love spring! I love seeing the first flowers open up, smelling my apple tree blossoms, and hearing the sweet sound of the birds singing their love songs to each other. The earth seems to come alive again after a state of being dormant during the long cold winter months. Going outside and working in the warm spring weather, deeply breathing in the smell of the earth, my spirit begins to soar. I see things with new eyes. It is a change in the seasons. It is a positive change.

The movie Bambi depicts this change of season so beautifully. I forget which character used this term, but they spoke of the animals being “twitter pattered.” Spring is a season of love. Looking at things, people, events…just life with new eyes.

Each day I walk out to my gardens and I am amazed at the handy work of my Lord. He has given me a great desire to enjoy the beauty of all things that He has created. For me, Spring is a time of healing and renewal. It is the start of new life jumping out of the earth boldly and dramatically. Everything seems to have new life. It is as if everything is coming back to life to praise God.

Psalm 96:11-13a says it well: Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them. Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy; they will sing before the Lord…

Is that not what Spring is? All of God’s creations are praising Him! Psalm 150:6 goes on to say: Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Sometimes in the dead of winter I think our hearts can get hard and we forget the beauty that God has created for us. This even includes the beauty of change. Ecclesiastes 3 speaks of different seasons of change.

Ecclesiastes 3 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
[NIV at IBS] [International Bible Society] [NIV at Zondervan] [Zondervan]

Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account. [a]

16 And I saw something else under the sun:
In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

17 I thought in my heart,
“God will bring to judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time for every deed.”

18 I also thought, “As for men, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Man’s fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath [b] ; man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the spirit of man rises upward and if the spirit of the animal [c] goes down into the earth?”

22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?

God has intended for a time of everything. Does that mean that change will be easy. No, it does not. Does that mean that we should be closed minded to change because of the challenges that change can bring about? No, it does not. Change can be a very difficult thing, but through the change, we can grow closer to our Lord. Fear can so often tear at our hearts when change presents itself and then we miss out on the beautiful gift that God had intended to give us.

How many times have you fought change in your life and allowed something to be rejected only because of the fear that was so deeply rooted in your heart that prevented you from seeing the entire picture? Doesn’t the Bible tell us that we should “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you,” (1 Peter 5:7)?

Instead of exerting so much energy into fear of the unknown, maybe we should trust more. Isaiah 41:10, So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:13, For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand, and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

God does not intend for us to be full of fear. He expects us to trust in Him. I encourage you today, to look at change with new eyes. God will walk right beside you during these times. Life is full of change. Sometimes it is difficult because of things that have happened in our past. Sometime we just don’t want to let go of our old ways. Sometimes we can become intimidated and can’t rationalize things in a healthy manner. Whatever the reason, try to see that God has a bigger plan. After all, He should be in the driver’s seat. When you decide to let Him take the wheel, watch out! You will be in for the ride of your life!

Lord, I know that change can be very difficult for some of us. Sometimes we just want to drag our feet and scream and rant and rave. Sometimes we just don’t want things to change because we are happy with the way things are. Many times we don’t want to leave our comfort zones. Through out the Bible You show us how change happens and although we may not understand at the time, You know that big picture…the scheme of it all. Lord, give us eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart that desires Your will. Help us to know that it is You in the driver’s seat. I love you, Lord and thank You for your everlasting love! You amaze me with the changes that happen with each season of my life. I thank You for helping me to keep an open mind and an open heart to change.

*Photos are from my spring gardens and orchards. A favorite pass time of mine!

A few weeks ago the kids and I ran to the county extension’s office to pick up our small fruit plant order. I really didn’t feel up to going out as I was still recovering from my migraine. But they called and said I needed to come pick up my plants as this was the last day. I never did receive my letter in the mail and they didn’t bother calling me until 3:45 pm. It wouldn’t had been so bad if it was just around the corner, but it was at least 40 minutes to get there. I really didn’t feel like speaking to anyone. I just wanted to get my stuff and go back home. My head was still aching. UHG!

When we drove up, I went up to pay for my grape vines, blue berries and strawberry plants. While I was writing my check I heard one of the ladies making comments about our bus and wondering if we home schooled. She wasn’t speaking to me, so I didn’t pipe in like I normally would do. Next thing I know, Joel jumps out of the bus, “Mom. I got to pee.” The lady looks at me and says, “Do you run a group home?” Hmm. I haven’t heard that one yet. Then she proceeded to ask me, “Is this your personal bus or a state bus?” Ok. I guess I am going to have to be sociable. With a forced smile, I pleasantly say, “This is our personal bus. No, I don’t run a group home. These are all of my children. Yes, some of my children are adopted. Where is the restroom?”

I know I wasn’t the most polite. Most of the time I am quite happy to talk about our family and how the Lord has taken us on an amazing journey. But there are other times, when I would just like to go out with my beautiful family and not have to deal with the stares and the comments.

The other day we went to see a play. Before the play, we thought we would give the kids a special treat. Russell met us at Burger King. We found an area that we could take over. I got everyone settled. Anthony took the drink orders. I took the food orders. I went up to the register and placed the order.
man at cash register: “Are you a preschool?”
me: “No. This is my family. My children.”
man at cash register: “Oh. I’m sorry. I just thought….”
me: “Its ok.”

I get the food to the table and Russell, Anthony and I start to work on the drinks. A man approaches.
man: “This must be a birthday party.”
me (with a forced smile on my face): “No. This is my family.”

Don’t get me wrong. I understand that large families are not the norm. I understand that we will always get looks, questions, and comments. One common comment that I typically get from Christian families is, “Oh. I’m glad it is you and not me.” or “God Bless you. I can barely handle my two. God must have given you a lot of patience.” or “I wanted a bigger family, so we put it in God’s hands. We said if God wants us to have a bigger family He will give us more money. He didn’t give us more money so we didn’t have a bigger family.”

Then in between the comments, there are the forced smiles that seem to say, “You are an idiot.”

I do run into people that are sincere, though. Its not all bad. I love being a big family. I love entrusting the size of our family to the Lord and knowing that through it all, if we are obedient to Him, He will provide for all of our needs. And sometimes He throws in some of our wants, too!

Sometimes we run into people who are truly supportive of us and will sincerely have a conversation with us. I love those people! We are not anything special, and I in no way want our family put on a pedestal for what we have entrusted to God. But there are times when we run into these truly amazing people (as I like to think of them) and they truly show their support for what our family is…a family woven together by God’s grace.

We feel truly blessed by all the prayers and financial help we had during our adoptions and our adoptions that are currently in process. We have been blessed by families stepping up and baby sitting so Russ and I can go out on an occasional date. Or the help we have received with having a mother’s helper to help keep up with some of the house hold duties so I can focus more on the kids. There is also the family that is allowing us to have a free vacation in one of their house rentals! (We are really looking forward to that!). Then their is our church family who has been extremely supportive on so many different levels. Mom Kathleen who manages to surprise me with a dinner when I always seem to need it the most! And I can’t forget the great buys she finds on cereal!!

We are truly blessed by all the amazing people who do help our family out. And we really do appreciate each and every one of you. And then there are my girlfriends. I love you guys. You are the ladies who know my heart and truly listen to my ups and my downs. Melissa…I absolutely love our Thursday night girl friend time! Thanks to Chris and Russell for allowing the two of us to have some girl friend time to discuss and solve the problems of the world….or at least the challenges we face as moms!!

We are a big, happy, beautiful family! We are blessed to have so many friends and family supporting us in many different ways! I know that we are not the norm, and I am ok with that. Actually, I love that we are not the norm! I would be rather bored if I was considered part of the norm. :)) We are allowed to share how God has worked in our lives on an everyday basis. God has taken us on an amazing journey and I guess if it involves some stares and comments that are off the wall, I can deal with that!

Please pray for our family. Last week we started round one of the bug! We have been fairly healthy this year, but when we do get a virus in our house, it seems to take a very long time (I can’t imagine why) to be removed from our house. I really wish I could just call the exterminator and it would be gone. But no such luck. Last week Hannah, Carol and Hailey had it. Hailey has had it the worst. She was literally vomitting an entire night. She is still sick! Today Austin and myself have the bug. I am miserable. My stomach is aching. So we have only six more people to go! Please pray for me to get well quickly as our house will not function well tomorrow when Russ goes to work if mom is sick!!