Responding In Faith

UNIQUE

How utterly unique you are-

How special in God’s eyes;

God knew and planned you all along-

you weren’t a surprise.

God planned you ‘ere the world began,

before the sun was formed,

God purposed what your life would be

before your soul was born.

There is none other just like you,

nor will there ever be,

for only one God made like you

throughout eternity…

-Sharon Roberts

This poem appeared in a Mennonite publication last year sometime (I can’t remember the name of the publication or date…sorry!). I kept it in my Bible for the longest time. I don’t know the author of this publication, but I imagine she was inspired by Psalm 139.

Today is a special day.  It is my Hannah’s 9th birthday!  Happy Birthday my special girl.  It is hard to believe that she is nine years old.  I remember so well going to the hospital with her.  The beginning of March Madness.   I guess it was a blessing that she came three weeks early!  Otherwise I may have been put on hold for basketball season!!

I have pictures of Russell holding Hannah at home in his favorite recliner explaining to her about basketball at the early age of 2 weeks old!  (Yes, Johnny, Russell starts brainwashing them to be KY fans at a very early age!)

Although Hannah was three weeks early, she weighed 9pounds 2 1/2 oz.  She was a breach baby.  Just like Anthony, I delivered her by c-section.  The doctors kept telling me that she was going to be small…well, surprise!!!  Russell was more nervous with Hannah then he was with Anthony.  I think it was because he knew that Hannah was breach and he was worried about complications.  Not to mention he was taking an embryology class that focused on all the things that could go wrong in a pregnancy!!

I was also on bed rest with Hannah for 3 months.  I had to take medication around the clock every three hours to stop contractions.  That was a fun time!  But through it all, God was knitting this little beauty together in my womb.  He was forming every part of her.  Every intricate detail came together just the way it was supposed to.  When she was born I saw God’s perfection in this small child.  For God does not create mistakes.  He created Hannah with a purpose.

Each of my children were knit together inside of me.  It amazes me how God was able to perform this beautiful miracle inside of me eleven times….so far!  Yes, even my adopted children were knit inside of me.  God planted them in my heart!

Each of our children are unique in their own special ways.  I know that God has a special plan for each and everyone of them.  I know not what that plan is, but I do know that when the time is right, God will reveal it to each of them.

God is beginning that work in my son, Anthony.  I truly believe that going to Liberia was just the beginning for him.  God has stirred something in his young heart that will continue to grow and grow as long as Anthony is willing to say, “Yes, Lord.”  I can’t predict what that plan is, I can just sense that something is growing in his heart.  He came back from Liberia a different child or should I say, young man?

It is hard being a mommy.  I am always wondering if I am teaching the kids the right things? Am I pushing them too hard or maybe too little?  Am I preparing them enough for their future? Am I encouraging them enough?  I could become consumed with all of this.  I have to trust in the Lord for many of these things.  I know that God is taking each of them and molding and shaping them into the persons they are to become.  Each of them is unique.  Each of them has a unique road laid out before them.  They are God’s children.  Each of them are wonderfully made!  I am so thankful to my Lord for blessing me with so many beautiful children!

Lord, I thank You for making each of my children so unique.  I thank you for knitting them together in both my heart and my womb.  Each have been birthed through me in different ways.  Each one has been special.  Thank you for entrusting me to be a Mother Of Many!  Help me to guide our children and train them up in the way they should go.  Give me strength through the hard times.  Give me laughter.  Give me endurance to finish the race.  Give me understanding for the things that I do not understand.  Protect our family with a thorned hedge of protection.  Bless this family Lord.  Amen.

Hannah creating a self portrait that is “uniquely” her very own!

Not only are our boys experiencing many firsts, but we as a family are experiencing many firsts! I learned very quickly that I must have rice at EVERY meal! As long as I serve whatever it is we are having with rice, then they will eat it!

Tonight we had tacos. I thought maybe the boys would put their rice on their taco shells and then add their meat and cheese. I used a slotted spoon to separate the meat from the extra taco juice. I asked Samuel to put the meat on the table and he looked in the pan with all the taco juice (I guess that is what you would call it!). “Mom. Soup. Rice.” So I dumped the flavored taco liquid into a bowl. Each of the boys took some of the “soup”, added some rice, a huge spoon full of meat, some cheese and some salsa cheese and mixed it all up. Taco Soup anyone?

There is definitely a language barrier. Sometimes I don’t think they are speaking English. One of our dear friends and her children were over today. Her little boy, who is seven, proclaimed to his mom, “The little boys speak Spanish. Even the big one speaks Spanish.” I don’t quite think it is Spanish. Maybe some form of Liberian dialect. We have a lot of pointing to things. I guess they are probably thinking that it is easier to point then for mommy to ask them to slow down with what they are saying so that I can understand them.

Today we practiced American English. They point.  I say a sentence.  They repeat.  The boys think it is silly, but it helps me to hear their voices and to understand what they are saying!  We are going to do this same thing with picture books this week.  Looking at pictures and saying what we see!  Should be fun!

As I sit and think about all the rice I have been making over this past week, I keep wondering whether or not they will get tired of it.  I guess when that has been your main staple for your whole life, it brings comfort to eat it.  I don’t think these boys would ever complain about the food as long as they have rice to go with it.  I guess I will be heading over to Sams Club to get a 50 pound bag of rice!  Rice in the morning, noon and night, keeps their tummies filled just right!

Hey Everyone.  Just a quick update!  Russ had his interview at the Embassy this morning.  All went well.  He said they are very nice at the Embassy, just extremely busy.  He will pick up the boys’ visas on Thursday at 3pm!!!  Then he will go pick up the boys and they will stay with him and Anthony at the guest house.  Please pray for Daniel.  He is very upset.  He cried a lot yesterday. The adults all know the situation.  Daniel’s sister, who is our boys’ birth mom, said that she would go to visit Daniel to comfort him.  Daniel’s birth mom knows the situation, too.  So hopefully he will be comforted in knowing that we are all praying and will be back soon.  This is hard on Russell and Anthony as well.

Russ and Anthony will not be going to the orphanage today.  The ACFI vehicle broke down yesterday when they were out.  I think they will just be staying at the guest house.  It takes so long to get to places that hiring a taxi today wouldn’t have worked out because it was too late in the day.  His plan for tomorrow is to go meet Cooper (the little 15 month old) and to go to the market.  He is not sure if he will get back out to the orphanage or not.  He hates not being able to bring the boys with him.  It breaks his heart!  I’m sure they will go back out again tomorrow.

I got to speak to Anthony some more today.  He had gotten a good nights rest.  I asked him if he was ready to come home.  “No, mom.  I love the people here.  I’m not ready yet.”  I have heard that once in Liberia, your heart stays there as the people have such a huge impact on your life.  Well, they have touched my 12 year olds heart!  We talked a little today about all that he is seeing.  He said he didn’t realize a civil war could cause so much damage, that it could do that to a country.  He is really taking it all in.  Russ wasn’t sure if Anthony was understanding when I spoke with him yesterday, but I do believe he is.   I’m afraid Liberia will forever be on my Anthony’s heart!  (which I think is a good thing)

I will try to call him again this evening to see how they filled the remainder of their day.  I can’t believe it….they will be home in 4 days!  (really 5 since they are arriving at 11:59 pm!  But 4 sounds so much better!)

Thank you for all your prayers.  I can feel them!

If anyone is interested in checking out our Ford Excursion on ebay, the item number is:   Item number: 280188925748    This will take you right to ebay.  If you know of anyone interested, please pass this info onto them.  Auction ends today!

Well, Carmax didn’t give us a very good offer on the Excursion.  We still have it listed on ebay.  So hopefully, something will happen with that.  We have enough at this time for the legal fees.  This has come through with donations!  Praise the Lord!  Now that we have that out of the way, we can focus on the airline tickets!  God is a great, big God!  He will pull it all together!

Yesterday was a very difficult day.  Despite the fact that I was in continuous prayer most of the day, I didn’t feel as if I was responding in faith in my heart.  I felt very stressed and anxious.  It took my morning prayer time today to reveal that to me.  Each morning I pray Psalm 139:23-24…Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive ways in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.  Yesterday I was anxious about a number of things.  It seems like when it rains, it pours!  I was having anxious thoughts about our business; anxious thoughts about our boys and all the children at the orphanage; anxious thoughts about how we are going to get our boys home; anxious thoughts about Daniel and how he can’t come home yet…

I was consumed.  I prayed.  I really wasn’t giving it all to the Lord.  I kept a hold of all these anxious thoughts by their tales!  I wasn’t ready to release them.  After a good night’s rest, I awaken with new eyes.  I asked the Lord to test me and know my anxious thoughts and I failed!  I failed miserably.  I didn’t respond in faith, I responded with anxiety!  I had forgotten all the promises that God has instilled in my heart during our quiet time together.  I had forgotten the truth that is written in His Word!

God took me to the book of Psalms this morning.  Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever…..But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.  Psalm 73:23-26, 28

That was the passage that made me say, “Oh, yes, Lord.”  It filled my cup up once again and now I am overflowing.  God is always with me.  He never left my side yesterday.  I chose to release His hand when He was trying to hold on tight.  I left my bible opened the entire day, but chose not to seek His counsel after I did my morning reading.  He wanted to take me to glory, but I was too consumed with allowing my anxieties to take me over.  God came down from His thrown to wrap His arms around me and walk me through the day, but I turned Him away!  My desires were not on Him, but upon worldly things.  My flesh and my heart failed miserably!  But today I see things anew.  For God is the strength of my heart and yes, He is my portion forever!  For each day I ask God to please give me my portion so that I may be able to get through the day to come.  So today I drink Him in deeply!  For today I awake and say, “it is good to be near my Lord.”  I have allowed God to be my refuge.  And now I share this with you for He is so good!

It is not for me to make the plans.  In Jeremiah 29 it states: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.” (versus 11-14)

I was seeking God yesterday, but was not willing to let go completely of my anxieties.  This morning, I have been able to release those anxieties to the Lord.  It is this morning that I was able to seek my God with all my heart.  I did find God this morning and He did set my heart free from the captivity of anxiety.  I had to look back on the promises that I received from my heavenly Daddy.  He has told me in the past that He would take care of all the financial needs of this adoption.  Yesterday I was filled with doubt.  Today I humbly come before the Lord on my knees asking for forgiveness for my doubting heart!

God has a plan for each of us.  Wherever you are in your walk of faith, know that God is with you.  I love the fact that God tells us in His Word that “I will be found by you…and will bring you back from captivity.”  Whatever is holding your heart captive on this day, know that you will be freed from that captivity.  He tells us that we will find Him!  But we do need to seek Him with all our hearts!  Each day I become more deeply rooted in my faith.  Yesterday showed me that I must continue to grow and become more deeply rooted.  I encourage you today in your walk with Christ to continue to seek Him with all your heart.  Release those anxieties that you carry in your backpack to the Lord so that you can seek God with clear eyes.

It’s Christmas morning.  I laid in bed for what seemed like hours this morning.  I don’t know who is more excited about Christmas morning…Mommy or the kids!  I lay waiting in anticipation of hearing little feet pitter pattering around the floors this morning.  I tried to “pretend” to be sleeping as each one peeked in to see if mommy and daddy were awake yet.  One child would peek in, then that child would go awake another one; then two would peek in.  This continued until we had all seven in the room poking and whispering, “Mommy!  Daddy!  Are you awake yet?”  Then at just the right morning I jump up in the bed and yell “Merry Christmas!” and we all race down the stairs.

Christmas morning is such an exciting time in our house!  Each child receives three gifts….3×7=21 presents!  That is quite the sight on Christmas morning!  We have come up with a system, each child gets a certain wrapping paper.  It makes it easier for passing out the presents!  Each child waits in anticipation while Anthony passes out the presents.  Some wait until they have all their gifts in front of them.  Others tear them open right away.  Russell sits in the big, red chair with all the necessary “tools” in hand to help get the toys out of their cardboard box prisons!  I have the camera aimed and ready for all the surprised faces!

As all the presents are opened, the children settle down and really dig into their gifts, calling for daddy to help put things together.  The excitement of Christmas morning is over.  All the anticipation is gone.  Life begins to turn back to normal as someone mentions that they are hungry.  I must prepare the “monkey bread” and the breakfast casserole.

As I am pulling breakfast together, I wonder how Mary felt the day she birthed Jesus?  She must have been anticipating Jesus’ birth.  I can’t even imagine what her thoughts were.  This is what I would have been thinking:  “I am about to give birth to the Son of God?  Why me?  I feel so unworthy.  But yet I am so excited.  What will this child look like?  Will He be like other children?  How will I know if I am being the mother I am supposed to be?  Do I need to over protect Him?  What will become of my Son?…..”  I imagine that the anticipation did not end after Jesus’ birth.  I imagine that each day was filled with anticipation, wondering what would become of her Son.  The anticipation probably continued right up to His death upon the cross….wondering if this truly was the end of her Son, the Son she shared with God.  And then to see Him raise from the dead, only to walk the earth again for a short period of time before arising to the heavens!  It must have been difficult to be Mary.  But I am sure that God gave her great strength to endure it all.  He gave her strength to walk in faith each day.

My thoughts come back to present time.  I await the arrival of my Liberian sons with great anticipation.  I know that anticipation won’t disappear with them either.  Every day is going to be like Christmas to them.  So many new things to learn about. A new culture…new family…new life.  So many “firsts” in their lives!  Do you remember that “Hunts” ketchup ad?  “Anticipation…Anticipation…”  Waiting for the good stuff to come and it would be so worth it!  Well, I’m waiting with anticipation for our boys and I know it will be so worth it!

Did you know that there are 143 MILLION orphans and waiting children around the world? That is a huge number! A number that could be greatly decreased if more Christian families would step up to the plate! Statistics show that if everyone Christian family would open up their home to just one child from the US foster care/adoption system that there wouldn’t be any kids waiting! Go to adoptuskids.org and check out all the waiting children. These are just children across the US. It breaks my heart to see all of these kids just waiting for someone to answer the call and say, “Yes, I want to be your forever family!” There are some family groups that consist of 5 to 7 siblings! It is so important for these siblings to be placed together. It saddens my heart deeply when these family groups get separated. I have seen first hand the affects of siblings getting torn apart. It breaks my heart and rips at my insides. The effects that it has on the children themselves is much sadness, hurt and pain. Not understanding why it has to be this way.

If this lays heavy on your heart in any way, I encourage you to pray about this. Ask God where He can use you in a waiting child’s life! Many times people say to me, “Oh, you are such a blessing to these poor children.” I am in no way a blessing to the children that we added to our family through adoption. Our children are a blessing to me. They have touched my life in more ways then you could ever imagine. If you want to be richly blessed, add a child to your family through adoption!

Don’t get me wrong, we do have our struggles. We have issues that have to be worked out. Hidden pain that is pushed so far in, the child doesn’t want to ever let it out. Rages of anger and hurt. Feelings of unworthiness. But God can do amazing things and He can heal those who are broken in spirit. It is a love that you will never regret.

I wish I could encourage each of you to consider the wonderful world of adoption. It is a roller coaster of emotions, both up and down, but so very worth it. I encourage you to think about the older child. Everyone wants a baby. Be different! I admit, I have prayed for years that God would give me just one more baby. I think it goes back to the longing of wanting to hold my precious baby that is waiting up in heaven for me! God had different plans. He has changed our hearts and our mind set. It is not a baby that God wanted us to have, but the older child. I did miss the cute baby stages of my children that were born into our family through adoption, but I have so many other wonderful memories! I no longer long for a baby, but for the older children. It is so important for them to have a family. Someone they can call their own.

I really hope that you will pray during this month for all of the orphaned and waiting children. Pray that God will provide each of them with a loving family. Ask God how He can use you. Think about the child who is longing to be held in a mommy’s arms. Think about the orphan in Africa or South America or the Ukraine who is writing letters to “any mom or dad”….hoping that their letter gets in the right hands. Pray for Josiah Browne who just wants a mom and dad to catch his tears (please see letter from earlier post). Our life is so short while we are here on this earth. Choose to make a difference by touching one of God’s dear children’s lives. Become an adoptive parent.

Or if you don’t feel that is your calling, there are other ways you can help:

*Pick a child that you can pray for daily.  Pray for that child that their forever family will find them!

*Share that child that you are praying for with other friends and family.  Maybe someone you know is considering adoption!

*Help an orphanage out with supplies or time!

*Help support a family who is adopting or has adopted!

*Go to an orphanage on a missions trip

*Give to families who are in the adoption process or to organizations that give grants to adoptive families

*Sponsor a child

There are so many ways that a person can help!  Be creative.  Allow God to use you!

I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for Me? Jeremiah 32:27

These last few weeks have been some of the hardest weeks I have been through in a long time. The timing of my surgery was not good … not that surgery is ever at a good time! Our children were all sick; we had the dilemma of not knowing who our supervising physician for our business would be; we have had family visits with our girls which really disrupts their behaviors for about a week; we had issues with CJ and the public school evaluation; our pool pump died and our pool is green … I could keep going. At times I felt as if I could not go on any more. Maybe it was the state of my mind and the pain pills, I am really not sure. Maybe it was the fact that I had to lay in bed and be still … I’m not used to doing that. I literally sat in complete solitude. No radio or tv (maybe one chick flick!). Just complete rest and time with God.

Well, I think my body went into shock or something. I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned. I was having spiritual warfare going on all around me. I started letting the weight of the world rest heavy on my shoulders. I was going to carry it all! I had to solve all the issues around me from my bed with my cell phone. I can hold off on taking pain pills, just let me get one more call in. I need to be thinking straight….

Whoa! Wait a minute! What is wrong with this picture? Did God intend for me to carry all these burdens on my back? Did God really want me to take charge and complete action? No. He did not. It was too much for me. It weighed me down. But it wasn’t too much for the Lord. God whispered into my heart, “I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for Me?” No, nothing is too hard for the Lord. This was His burden to take and carry, not mine.

I don’t know what came over me, but all of a sudden I had become a “take charge gal” and didn’t want to let go. Once I realized what I had done, I was lying in my bed begging God to forgive me. From my bedroom window, I have a beautiful view of Bakers Mountain. That was the window I left opened the entire time I was in bed. Some time ago I had begun memorizing Psalm 121. As I looked up at my mountain, that Psalm kept coming to mind.

<< Psalm 121 >> New American Standard Bible ©

Click here to see this verse through music

As I close this I realize that what I learned through this whole experience is that everything is too big for me, but nothing is too big for my God!  Thank you God for being a great, big God!!

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